What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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