I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
how drunk are you?
Several
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
