You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
