I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
