Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
