I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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