Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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