I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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