In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
