I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
