All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
