i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
