Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
