I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
