I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
