I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
