What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
