I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
