Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize