Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dignity is for republicans.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
