She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
