I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
