im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
