genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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