I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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