Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
