Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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