every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
