i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
