look no pants
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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