bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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