I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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