Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
