She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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