She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
