u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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