ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
