i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
