apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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