I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We are two peas in an std pod
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
