Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
