ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
