Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
