i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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