im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
