just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
