well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
