I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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