im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
