Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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