dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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