he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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