I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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