in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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