I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
