It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize