please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
