I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
