I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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