"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
