I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
