Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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