Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
as a side note pls kill me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
