everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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