bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
