i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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