About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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