my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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