onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
