Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
