Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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