I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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